What I did

2004-09-09 - 7:19 p.m.

I have put off writing about my Labor Day out of guilt. I drove to a campsite in MS where the Coonass was staying in a rented cabin with his brother. He & Goldilocks (his wife) had planned to come for like a year, b/c to reserve a cabin, the waiting list is that long. Turns out she didn't want to go b/c her dad bought a brand new sailboat and wanted to take it out on Mobile Bay while they had a lot of wind from the recent storms. he opted to stick w/ the original plan and invited his bro and me to go.

I decided to meet them there b/c I didn't want to be w/o my truck. We fished (he bought me a MS license), bbq'd, hiked around in the woods, I played around on his laptop while they watched dvds, just hung out. There was no sex; I drove home that night and went back on Tuesday for a few hours. We got a chance to talk seriously by ourselfves, but I didn't tell him that I was sick b/c we were getting along great and I didn't want to fuck it up. He says he sees him and Goldilocks getting divorced, but that he won't be the initiator. He acted like he didn't really care one way or another. He said that she is boring to him. I get the impression that she isn't really intellectual, and he really is, but he should have known that before the marriage. She is a total fitness buff, lives at the gym, tans, etc. hesays she wants to get into female bodybuilding, but he told her that was a total turn-off to him, so she hasn't. he wanted to sleep with me, but I resisted. I let him kiss me only. He's a very sensual kisser, and I hadn't kissed anyone in so long, so wtf, I did. I don't kiss Flash b/c we don't have that kind of relationship, and also he's a smoker, and that always grosses me out. But I kissed the Coonass for a long time, just lying beside him making out. I know he was hoping for more, but then I just got up and went out and told his bro goodbye and got in my truck and left.

There's no safety net in that relationship for me. I can fall in love with him if I get too close, and then I'll get hurt. I shouldn't have kissed him, but it just stirred up so many memories of other, better times between us, and in both of our lives. Actually, I shouldn't even have gone, but I'm human and I was lonely. But I'm not going to let it go further. he has his priorities, and I have mine.

My number one priority is protecting myself from pain at all costs/

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still here - 2009-12-18
and so it goes - 2008-12-16
Watch out Benedict! - 2008-01-28
She got hit with the cancer stick - 2008-01-26
The Cure, Amy & Britney & Dogshit - 2008-01-05