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Old friends and bright and shiny things
2004-09-11 - 7:33 p.m. Yesterday when I got in from work I had a 2 page letter from Queenie on the table apologizing for the other day. I was glad that my somewhat caustic e-mail had been mailer-daemoned back to me, because I'm aware that I can sound much harsher in print that IRL when we're face-to-face. I don't think that it would have been well-received and that she wouldn't have apologized. It might have been enough to end our friendship, and I certainly didn't wish that to be the end result. I just don't want to feel as if someone is taking advantage of me, because I try to go out of my way not to do so to others. So all's well that ends well there. I also opened an e-mail from the Coonass, which I'd love to paste here, but if he ever learned of it (and God knows it's possible), that would end a 20-year friendship for sure. The gist of it was that he was so glad that I decided to meet him in MS, he felt like he renewed a part of his spirit that had been asleep by reconnecting with me. He really surprised me by saying that he was glad that I chose not to sleep with him, that he realized the wisdom of my decision for us both after I left. He acknowledged that it had been he in the past who was unable to handle the sexual aspect of our friendship without trying to attach more baggage to it that he was aware I couldn't handle. He said he understood my reticence and the way I guard my heart. He was really honest about his motivations for the first time. Always before, he would try to push the relationship past my comfort zone, then accuse me of being "chicken shit" for not throwing caution to the wind and giving him my heart. Years ago when I did that, I got burned, and I still see how casually he views commitment and relationships. Yesterday, he told me that he would rather love me as a friend forever than ever cause me pain. I was really moved that he made the attempt to "walk in my shoes" instead of trying to change my mind / heart. I think that we will continue our friendship w/o any sex (but nomore kissing either!). I don't want to threaten his marriage, as I know it's already shaky. Last night I made jewelry with Celynne for hours for a show she is trying to be ready for on the 18th. I made a total of 7 pieces, 2 necklaces, 3 ankle braclets, and 2 bracelets. Together with pieces I worked on over the winter, I have about 17 total to add to her stuff. It will all be under her name in the booth b/c I didn't register, I'm just helping her get enough to fill a booth, but any proceeds from what I sell is mine. If I don't sell any, I have a year's worth of birthday, Christmas, etc. gifts. I am very, very tired, so even though it is early, goodnight, y'all. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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