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Who me? Stupid?
2004-09-20 - 3:44 a.m. Well, I was certainly right about Celynne being mad at me. Great googily moogily! She has a way of making herself such a perfect victim that it causes fits of irrational guilt in me. Yes, I could've called and told her that the conflict of her show with the pageant made it impossible for me to help her prepare and participate. No, I took the easy way out and didn't do it. And I know it's my fault and wasn't very nice of me. She knew what was going down, but I had told her that I would come help polish jewelry when I got back from the mall. I was just exhausted, and I knew she would offer me a few lines and I'd go, do the shit and stay up all night and be a freakin' zombie for the pageant. I just didn't do it. It is so hard for me to tell people no. I'll agree to do all sorts of things that I later realize are nearly fucking impossible due to time constraints or conflicts, and then I agonize over how to get my ass out of the stupid commitment I never should have made in the first place. What's so damn hard about saying, "Sorry, I can't make it that day," or "I can't do it. Maybe next time." They are just words, and they are the truth. It will make my life immensely easier if i can just honestly opt out of commitments / engagements that I know I'll never drag myself to. Then I can answer my phone without checking the Caller ID first. Quit being so passive aggressive and pissing everybody off. Me being the most annoyed with me right now, anyway. I hate when I do really dumb shit . . . �
still here - 2009-12-18
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