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Fuck it
2004-07-14 - 11:55 a.m. I'm at work eating grapes and fritos. I think the bad cancels out the good in this case. I've sent out approximately 28 resumes, but I haven't had even one call for an interview. It's a good resume, and i have letters of recommendation from 3 former employers and one present employer to bolster it, should someone care to see them. I know the unemployment rate is high here, but Jesus H., somebody should at least call me. It's depressing, yeah. Speaking of depression, it's pretty obvious that I'm clinically depressed. I've been sleeping 12 - 16 hours a night. I've been taking 3 benadryl per night so I can fall asleep. I have a tolerance to benadryl because I have to take them so frequently for allergies. Sleep is preferable to being awake because when I'm awake, I focus on all the things that are wrong in my life and get even more depressed. at least in my dreams I have a sense of freedom. I dreamed last night that I was in the car with my mom driving around my old neighborhood in N0LA. It was neither a good nor a bad dream, but it was different from my reality, which bites ass lately. Flash called me the other night from TN where they were spending the night on their way home from VA. It was a bad night for me and he could tell. Maybe I just need to get laid. Ity wouldn't hurt, but I don't think it will help a whole lot either. I've been pushing ppl away, not answering or returning phone calls. The other day, my neighbor's daughter was ringing my bell and I couldn't bring myself to open the door and act friendly and happy. it's so much easier not being close to anyone when you feel really, really bad. i think I'm giving up. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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