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C'est la vie
2003-08-08 - 4:43 p.m. So I din't send that letter, but I'm still mad. I was told he has tried to call to apologize and asked for my address. What it is, he caught hell from my mama, and it's affecting the quality of his life. I'll forgive him. He's an old man. And an asshole, but my mother loves him. Went swimming at the pool today. The pool nazi's kids were there, breaking rules. There was a child under 12 without supervision, and despite the ban on eating and drinking in the pool area, they had clearly had a picnic poolside lunch, replete with trash. Then they toss the little kiddie pool into the big pool to use as a boat. Finally, the mousy mom comes out and makes them get out and go home. All they do then is hide in the bushes along the fence and make bird noises. One of these girls is 14 years old. My God. Go prank call a boy or something. Get out the fuckin bushes already. Y'ain't no bird. I just continued reading and sunning, because I can tune the world out at will, or at least give that appearance, which is more important. There is shit happening in my life. I dunno. The C00nass and I have put our friendship on ice. He talks the talk, but can't walk the walk. And he calls me chickenshit! I am, but that's ok. It's safe that way. But really, his idea of a relationship is a long series of mind games and control issues. That's fine in the bedroom, but outside of it, I don't let somebody mess with my head. He gets off on mental manipulation, and I'm too strong to manipulate. I won't get closer so he can get the edge, either. He ain't making book on my heart or my soul. I am a strong person, but where I am weak, I am very weak. With men I am getting stronger. I no longer give a shit if they approve or not. I just find another man. Or they find me. I like to be pursued. Fl@sh's b-day is Sat. My le0 lover. He & the wife are on a wknd getaway. I'm on the rag. C'est la vie, cher. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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