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Most Incredible Asshole
2003-06-03 - 12:31 a.m. I swear, I meet the most fucked up men on the planet! But this guy, he won the Most Incredible Asshole award. I met him last freakin yr in my M0dern Dr@ma night class. He's in some local band that I find hard to listen to. It was a small class, so we get to talking and one night he asked me to give him a ride home, he was w/o wheels that night. No problemo; my history of car problems is epic and well-documented elsewhere. I can relate, dude. So I take him home, way out my way, but that's ok. And we get to his yard and he asked for my phone number, said he really liked me. He was sorta ok looking, in a Ly1e L0vitt kind of way, so wtf, I give up the digits. And then he kisses me. I didn't know what his deal was. I mean, it's a ride home, bro. I don't need to be serviced. Then he got all serious and said that he was really with somebody, yada, yada, yada, he better not, etc. My disgust was evident. I passed some smart ass remark along the lines of "keep it, it looks like you'll probably need it," and that was that, in my book. Final was the next week and I never saw him again. So he calls me out of the blue last week. Do I remember him and all that shit. I'll call him Lyle to make it easier. And yeah, I remember him. Well, he and the girl broke up and he still wants to go out with me. I'm mildly flattered at first (because I'm an idiot). We make plans to go hear a live band this wknd. He called today and wanted to come hang out "to get to know me," which didn't sound like a bad idea to me since I hadn't seen him in a year and hardly knew him then. So I said ok. He came over and almost immediately started to put the moves on me. I had told him on the phone that while I'd agreed to go out with him, I intended to keep it light and frothy because of where I was with my life. I told him that he was moving way too fast for me and that I was very uncomfortable with his pace. Then I suggested we go outside so he could smoke. Finally, he decides to leave. Yessss. I called Fl@sh because I'd missed seeing him at lunch. He said that he'd be on his way shortly for our usual stoned-love session. It's all good, right? Fuck no. Lyle comes back. Now what? Wants to tell me how much he likes me, etc. I make a quick call to Fl@sh to apprise him of the situation in the event he wants to skip the scene entirely. He wouldn't miss it for the world. So they meet and talk guitars until my eyes are as glazed as 2 donuts. Finally, Lyle leaves. Fl@sh and I do what we do best, and then he goes home. I still had errands to run, and mi hija was at work. I expected to fall into bed, but Lyle called back and wanted to come over again with some cds. I should've said no. But I didn't. I said that it would be ok for a little while but IN NO WAY was he sleeping with me, or here, period. He accepted the terms, said he'd leave whenever. Then he arrived and tried to talk me into it, touched my titties accidentally-on-purpose and drank my beer. On the subject of birth control, when I said that I insisted on condoms, he had the audacity to say, "You're not going to suck my dick?" Unfuckingbelievable! I had to laugh while I was telling him no. He was like, "You don't like sex?" Hahahahaha! I quoted a few lines of one of my poems regarding getting it whenever I wanted it that he had liked. Then I said that he should go. Even gave him a beer for the road. Cannot wait to tell Fl@sh. He'll never believe it. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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