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Usury and Higher Education

2004-09-13 - 8:41 p.m.

I took out a title lien on my truck to help me afford my trip to Italy last Feb. I have been having problems meeting the payments the last couple of months b/c the state hasn't been depositing the Medic@id p'ments in a timely manner to the business account at work. I can't tell you when the last time I got paid in full was. Wasn't Sept. Wasn't August either. Odetta gives me $50 here, another hundred there, but y'all know that's just allowing me to limp along, making me able to buy dog food and toilet paper and other necessities . . . I eked out a partial p'ment on my phone bill, but my truck note has fallen behind 2 p'ments.

So today, the guy from the finance co. calls and wants to know what's up, why I'm so far behind. I told him what the deal was, that I fully intended to pay him, but was in a bind at present.

The guy offers to loan me more money.

I know, I know: it's a trap to lure me into borrowing more at exorbitant rates and extending my loan just when I've gotten it under $200. I know all of that already. But I'm tired of being completely broke all the time when I have hundreds of dollars owed to me and have been working regularly. My daughter is entering the Miss Nutria contest this coming Saturday, and she needs an appt at the hair salon and an outfit, not to mention that I have to take her gown to the dry cleaners. Luckily, she got the local pancake emporium that employs her to pay the $75 entry fee as her sponsor. Not counting her gown, she needs a business-type suit and a casual outfit.

She won Miss Teen Nutria 2 years ago. But that had no financial incentive like this one does. She gets $1,000 scholarship if she wins the big title. That would definitely help next year! Along with the T0PS scholarship she will most likely qualify for, that should cover her first year, or nearly all of it. She can still do the financial aid route, but maybe only grants and not loans like I had to do. I don't mind going deeper into debt for my girl. She deserves more than I've been able to provide for her on my own w/ no child support.

So tomorrow, I'm going to talk to the man about refinancing the loan and getting $300 - $400 more. I also learned that I have a $50 refund on my state tax return waiting for me at my tax preparer's office. It ain't much, but it's something.

And I'm thinking of going to grad school and applying for a graduate assistantship at the university. I'm not doing too hot in my job search with only a B.A. - maybe a Master's would make me more employable.

I just know that something in my little corner of the world has got to give. I can't handle the stress along with the depression. I have reasons to feel as low as I do, but it's not my nature to feel down and out all of the time. I used to be so happy-go-lucky and optimistic about everything. I miss the person that I used to be, the way I always believed that things would get better, that once I got my degree and had earning potential, my life would change. It's changed alright, but nobody can say it's for the better. I've always believed if you don't like the way something is, you need to change it. Damn it, I'm trying to!

Flash came by today before leaving for Michigan to shoot photos for the state university there. I said "fuck it" and got stoned with him. The job I wanted didn't come through, nothing else worth quitting for is looming on my horizon, and I'm stressed to the nth degree as it is. We didn't have sex. That's ok. Just like Uncle Bob, I have a sty on my left eyelid, and it's painful as hell, causing the whole left side of my face to be swollen and sore. I wasn't feeling the least bit horny, which is very unusual for moi.

It turns out that Queenie did read my e-mail. I learned from a mutual friend that she had. How I got the mailer daemon msg completely baffles me. Oh well. C'est la vie. That's all I got to say about that.

previous - next

still here - 2009-12-18
and so it goes - 2008-12-16
Watch out Benedict! - 2008-01-28
She got hit with the cancer stick - 2008-01-26
The Cure, Amy & Britney & Dogshit - 2008-01-05

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