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test results & a trip to texas
2004-06-15 - 1:30 p.m. Well, I got my biopsy results. There�s good news and bad. The good is that I�ll never have to worry about social security funds being available when I�m 65. The bad is that I�ll never see 65. The way my liver is, I�ll be blessed to see 50. Apparently, I�ve had hep@titis for quite some time. Either that or I have a really aggressive version of the virus, and I learned that there are several kinds, one being particularly virulent. I have stage IV scarring of the liver, the last stage before they just call it cirrhosis. They are hedging now, saying it�s beginning cirrhosis. Either way, I can�t drink alcohol and need to do the treatment. I�m trying. I am drinking way less than before, but haven�t kicked the bottle completely. I had a couple beers over the weekend while I was in TX (more on that). Re the treatment . . . the jury (of one: me, Sh@na) is still out on that one. The interferon is really hard on your body with some severe side effects. It�s a year of feeling like you have the flu all the time. And then there are the neuro-psychiatric effects: depression, suicidal behavior. Ah jeesh. Just what I need � suicidal ideation. As if I�m not already halfway around the bend anyway. I�ll be seeing a hep@tologist down at Big **Ch@rity** in N0LA for a 2nd opinion. I keep hoping for some miraculous misdiagnosis on the part of the medical profession. Like that�s really going to happen. I need to pull my head out of my ass, suck it up and do the fuckin treatment. The doc up here told me they can put me on @nti-depressants. I didn�t even go into my �no psych0tropic drugs!� rant / spiel. I�m not sure why I�m so scared to take them, but I�ll die before I do. Most of my friends are on them; I have nothing against ppl who take @ntidepressants. I know they are a lifeline of normalcy for a lot of ppl, and I don�t mean to malign anyone who uses them. But the prospect of my taking them absolutely terrifies me. I think that part of the problem is that, for me, taking pills has always been mostly recreational. But without any qualms, I swallow a blood pressure pill twice a day, **L@six** when necessary, and enough allergy meds during pollen season that I wish I had stock in Benadryl. It�s an irrational fear that I�ll lose some aspect of my personality and become a sort of �Stepf0rd wife� clone. I�m scared I won�t be able to get back to myself. Maybe I can convince them to give me v@lium. No xan--ax. They zombify me. So anyway, that�s the crap about my health. On the lighter side, I went to TX over the wknd w/ Flash. There was a Ki$$ concert in Houst0n he was going to, and he asked me to ride with him. I didn�t want to see the show (and I wouldn�t have gotten a seat by him, anyway), so I called my friend Gipsy�s daughter to tell her I was in town and wanted to surprise her mom. Well, my friend and her boyfriend had gone gambling in Lake Charles! Go figure! I go to TX, she goes to LA! But no matter; I just went on w/ him to the hotel. There was time for a little romp between the sheets before the show, then he left and I went to the pool and the jacuzzi until it got dark. Came back, took a shower, rubbed lotion all over and got dressed in a sexy black negligee, all made up, dripping with silver and gold jewelry. Lookin good and I knew it. He got back and we fell into bed. It was nice having time because he was in no hurry. After he got me off many, many times, he climbed on top of me and started fucking me really hard and came. All safe sex, of course. I woke him up in the morning with a bj, and he reciprocated in kind. His wife doesn�t s-uck c0ck, so he really enjoys getting done like that. She likes him to give her 0ral sex, tho. I think that it should be reciprocal. He�s clean, it�s not like it�s nasty or anything. I did him again while he was driving home. Tinted windows rock! Before we left, I called Gipsy�s daughter again, and she gave us directions to their house. She hadn�t told her mom, so when we got there, I went ahead of Flash and knocked on the door. There was no answer, so I opened it, and said, �You aren�t even going to open the door for me?� She was lying down and saw me and started crying. We hugged for the longest time. I love my friend so much! She pulled off her head scarf, and she is totally bald. I told her with her super-high cheekbones and angular bone structure, it really doesn�t look that bad. I wasn�t lying. Me, I got a round face and couldn�t pull it off nearly as well. But she looked as good as somebody can who got a terminal diagnosis six months ago. We visited for over an hour, smoked TX weed and LA weed, she gave me a silver and onyx ring I�ve always admired. I didn�t want to take it, but even her daughter insisted. We took some pictures and then we had to get back on the road. I was very grateful to Flash for going out of his way to stop. So that�s what I�ve been up to lately. I�m still kickin�, just not as high. How �bout you? �
still here - 2009-12-18
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