Teach me how to do it

2005-12-09 - 7:01 a.m.

Well, I decided to give Jared another chance. He does appear contrite about smoking in my house and his attitude. He's an Aries after all. They all have the 'tude.

Basically, I realized that I, too, am no picnic to live with either (all these dogs, tendency toward clutter, etc.). I thought about how cold that would sound to me over a thousand miles from home in a state where the only person I knew at all was kicking me out in the winter. I don't think there's any malice on his part involved. He apologized profusely and asked to have another chance to prove he wants to stay and have a future with me. He said the reason he said all of the things that he did to me was he was so unsure about my feelings, and that he felt that I had all the cards. He wanted to get a bead on my true feelings before investing any more into trying to make it work down here. I can relate to that. So I let down my guard a little and let him into my head.

Physically, we fit well together, and all that entails. He is caring and funny, has a good sense of humor and a laid-back personality. He's got the dark hair / blue eyes thing going, which I like, even if the hair is thinning out a bit. It would be a shame to throw out potential over superficial reasons, especially when my reasons likely are rooted in insecurity. Sigh. Lingering effects of the Indian's damage.

After we talked, I think that we both feel better. This is sort of one of those add-water-and-stir relationships, even though we have known one another over 20 years. Most of our contact was by necessity through the mails, punctuated by occaisonal phone calls over the years. Now here we are, live and in living color, and freaked out about making good impressions on each other. Add to that the day-to-day pressures of life, and there you have a lot of stress potential. I'm just glad I saw it for what it is before I caused it to be destroyed. I do care about him. That's a start, a building block. It's worth preserving, nurturing even.

Maybe you can teach this old dog a few new tricks.

�

previous - next

still here - 2009-12-18
and so it goes - 2008-12-16
Watch out Benedict! - 2008-01-28
She got hit with the cancer stick - 2008-01-26
The Cure, Amy & Britney & Dogshit - 2008-01-05