The whole phucking pie

2005-11-09 - 9:07 p.m.

I just got off the phone with Jared. He calls me about 3 times a day. We talk about anything and everything. It's very easy to talk with him. It's scaring me to phucking death because I don't want to set myself up for disappointment / disaster. It could happen. But I have to let it play itself out. It would be worse if I never tried at all and missed out on something that's real.

Being with the Indian this summer was bittersweet for me because I knew and acknowledged that our relationship was over. We were more friends than lovers, although we were lovers, too. But much was missing from our union. We had both given up on trying to make it work between us and were salvaging the crumbs for our own individual reasons. But I want more than the crumbs with somebody.

I want the whole phucking pie.

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