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passion all over the place
2003-04-04 - 7:06 p.m. My hand was aching badly, so I took the last remaining v@lium that Fl@sh had given me (as a muscle relaxant, it helps a bit). I think I can type for awhile. I'm also drinking a snifter of some cherry brandy I've had chilling in the freezer for a month. Most people like brandy warm or room temp, but I'm weird; I like cold drinks almost exclusively. I'll drink coffee, but not daily. Speaking of Fl@sh, he has been very sweet and supportive to me since the carjacking incident. When it occurred, I was getting a newspaper from a box in front of a convenience store. This guy jumped into my vehicle and, like a fool, my keys were in it, as I was never further than 6' from the truck the whole time. It was dumb, I agree. But who hasn't done something similar a dozen other times with no disastrous results? Fl@sh was about a quarter mile away in my driveway, waiting for me to arrive home so that we could make mad, passionate love before he had to go home. He's smoking pot in his truck in my drive and sees a cop car driving slow down the street. Then it turns into my driveway. Then the cop lets me and the shaking chihuahua out of the back. And he sees me in tears. I'm not a woman who cries easily, especially publicly, so he knows it's bad. He was so kind, he just held me and let me cry, stayed there till the cop left, fielded phone calls while I was giving the report, took me to L0we's and bought a new lock which he installed so I'd be safe that night. After that was all done, he got me stoned (I'd already started getting drunk to numb the pain), then made slow and exquisite love to me to undo all that stressful damage. I was so grateful to him that night. I felt so violated and alone. Then Susie-Q came over and fed me xanax and held my hand until I passed out in bed before she locked up and left. My friends are so great when it matters. Had I been all alone after that, I could have gotten really self-destructive. Not suicidal, but it would have been very different from the loving comfort I received. Fl@sh came over every day but Tuesday this week. Sex is still off-the-charts, stratospheric. There really are no taboos or uncharted territory for either of us. Open communication, verbal and non-verbal, and we sense the other's desires and submit or act on them. If I had to give him up today, cold turkey, no replacement, well, as they say, "Houston, we have a problem." Not going there, hope that's not even a possibility for quite some time. The goal is, graduate, secure lucrative career with benefits, find soulmate. Fl@sh and I can't make it as a couple. His infidelities would destroy me if we were together as a couple. We both know this about ourselves already. We're the cliched "best friends with benefits." It's how it's always worked. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I have 2 tests Monday, Sp@nish and Bri+ Li+, plus a take-home essay, and a paper due on Weds. And I got to show for Susie-Q's b-day cr@wfish boil on sunday, so let me scoot. Plus, right hand now throbbing and i'm out of drugs. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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