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just say no
2003-07-10 - 6:00 p.m. I skipped school today (shhh). I went and hung out w/ my friend Gipsy. My ex's sister, for those of you who are keeping track. We discussed the situation of mi hija and her nephew (her sister's son) dating. She is 16 going on 17. He is 22. Yes, that was correct. He has been into trouble. He was on drugs. I'm not saying he is on them now, but still. And then there is the whole genetic link to the insanity of addiction that leads to my ex, who I learned is once again in treatment. Shortly after the standing-by-the-road-holding-up-a-sign day, there was an incident involving jail, and now treatment. So the cycle continues. He is a mess. And his nephew is dating my girl. Christ on a sidecar! I really have got the mother's curse. I know I could technically forbid it, and I considered that option. But I don't delude myself that I would be wildly successful. And I am very happy to see her actually interested in someone else besides her drop-out ex who's the night clean-up guy at an all-night greasy spoon in Alligator. She still cares for him, but this guy has made her laugh and smile a little again. He's not a bad person. Very polite and civil to me, dotes on his little baby sister whom mi hija has babysat since birth. He made some mistakes, got caught dealing some dope (x) and w/ some stolen snakes (!) and is paying the price for it. They wanted him to rat and he didn't do it. That shows some gumption and heart. He's not using. My kid neither drinks nor drugs. I think she would be a stabilizing influence on him, not vice versa. My kid is in no way a follower. Kids flock to her. She is a magnet, and she makes plans that they all wind up doing, outings and picnics and beach runs. It would be hard to convince her to fuck up and get loaded. I trust her wholly with that. She has seen too much to want it for herself. She sees me drink and smoke pot, but that is it. She has no clue of the things I've done. She knows that in the 80's I had a coke problem, but I fixed it and I don't do it anymore. Which is mostly true. It's been forever and a day since I did coke, and I like to keep it that way. Why tempt the coke gods? They're way stronger than I ever could be. As for the rest, she has no clue I've done the dope I've done. I rarely get loaded like I used to. Not saying I won't, but that it's an isolated incident rather than an ongoing thing. That's ok for me; I can live like that and it doesn't jeopardize my lifestyle. Some ppl can't, and I respect that, but I can and I'll get loaded when I want to. I control the buzz, not the other way around. But it's not something I want my kid to know I do. What if she tried it and couldn't stop. Sometimes it's hard to stop using. Sometimes you can't. I learned I can't with coke, so I don't fuck with coke. I can handle the rest in moderation. I can walk away from everything but fuckin coke. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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