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A letter from the Indian
2005-01-28 - 3:51 a.m. My refrigerator caught on fire the other night (don't ask) so now I'm using my freezer basically as a beer cooler with bags of ice. I was living off the remains of a large combo pizza I got the other night for supper when mi hija and her bf were here for supper, so it hasn't affected the quality of my life yet in any way. Today I work work worked most of the day, as opposed to the days where I contemplate my navel. No really. Verrry productive, me. I was gonna hit the Alligator M@rdi Gr@s parade, but it's raining its ass off now, so I took a pass. Mi hija has been begging me to go to the city with her and her gang of fools tomorrow for 2 parades. If it's not soggy, I think I will. Right after all that shit w/ Queenie, I got a letter Monday from my ex (her brother), the Indian, who is currently incarcerated in the local j@il on a drug charge. In it he thanks me for taking care of his little sister. Dude always did have fucked up timing. Guess that's why he's got 8 kids. Anyway, here, with minor alterations for purposes of anonymity, is the letter: Hi Shana, Sorry to hear you;re having to deal with the hep c. Queenie just left here and filled me in on your situation. I'm really sorry to hear that, Shana. Well, anyway, I don't remember the exact year of my diagnosis, but I think it was the early '90s. I just sent for a copy of my Social Security info and it will all be in that; when I get I will make a copy and send you one. How the hell you been doing beside that? Can you believe that m.f. (Gabby's dad)? I should have kicked his ass that day at Queenie's. I knew something was wrong with the situation, remember? You know my insight and intuition strength! I felt something but just felt it was Queenie's problem, ya know? Anyway enough of that how's (mi hija)? Good I hope. Thanks for helping my little sister. she's lost as hell ain't she! I guess all us L(ast name) are! Just some a little later in life than others . . . Write me back Shana you're truly going to need someone to communicate with in your situation that's going through the same thing, girl. That hep c shit truly starts messing with you body, mind and attitude in a real strange way, girl. You're going to see me in a different way when it does. Shana, it's really hard to explain what all it does to you. Not trying to scare you, but read and study all you can on it so you will understand what you';re going through better. Listen to me on this one it will truly help you! Write back hardhead! Love you, {yes I did and still do but in a different way!} (the Indian) Well, it was a nice letter, but it sort of stirred up dormant feelings best left asleep eternally. He's bad news and I know it and it's still - after all these years - just like a magnet and steel. Worse than with the C00nass. Fl@sh is just a friend - this is a psychic tidal pull I feel deep within myself on some primordial level I don't even understand. But I must resist at all costs forever. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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