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do not touch me
2003-04-15 - 10:35 p.m. Ooooh-weeee! I get to add an entry, yeah! I tried 3x over four days, although I admit, not very diligently. Hey, I got a rejection problem, alright? You don't want my ass here, it's already gone! And tonight you get a rant. Yeah, I know, but wtf? Got to vent or I'll implode. Not a pretty sight. I am sick and fuckin tired of thieves and dopeheads!!!! Tonight, leaving the phreakin Winn Dixie, I'm almost mowed over by some thug being pursued by the manager and 2 stockboys. No clue what the motherfucker stole, it doesn't really matter, he just fuckin reached out and took it. With no regard for consequences, repercussions, collateral damage. I called 911 to say they needed the cops over there. I tell ya, the world is in a sorry state of affairs when bitchslap69 is calling the fucking cops. On a related note, I cleaned out the top of my armoire today, looking for the title to my truck, and discovered that valuable coins and currency were missing. These belonged to mi hija (since shortly after her birth), gifts from a friend of mine who is now deceased. They were old Confederate dollars and silver dollars, plus a $10 silver coin in its own velvet case, which the thief left. I think it was J, my stepkid, who really wasn't ever legally that. But it could be others. But I've never known my gut instinct to be wrong, though. Not in almost 40 years. I want my daughter to be open and trusting to people, not stupidly so, but not to have walls built all around her. But how can I nurture that trust when the very people we love and take into the sanctity of our homes are violating it? She is distraught and angry, blaming me, and that's ok. If it is J, it's because of my long-term relationship with the man he used to call "Daddy," although there is no consanguinity there, either. Just a big ball of dysfunction that, like the Gordian knot, I spent waaay too many years trying to unwind. And my former site on this strange planet was locked up tighter than Fort Knox, but inexplicably on at least two occasions was again wide open? Is my favorite lover hacking? Is dland not a secure site? Just wtf is up with all the weird shit?! In any event, I changed the pw and will eventually delete, once I save to disc what I think I need to save. 90% of what I wrote was tripe and drivel, the minutiae of a tortured life, but there was about 10% clarity, the blue essence streaming through obsidian, the virgin admission, still naked and thrashing, and those I need for whatever semblance of sanity I claim ownership. It�s all good. Or not. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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