powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Site Meter
Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

Dog puke & puppies

2004-09-25 - 9:41 p.m.

Last night was a trip. I decided to bbq the 3 steaks I had and some short ribs. There I was, bbqing, sweating (ac still broken), looking like shit in a holey, tiedyed t-shirt and old pr of shorts. Flash dropped by to get me stoned. He didn�t even have time to fill the 1st bowl before in walked Cletus, my gay, black friend who is funny as hell. We made the usual jokes, �Where�s my child support?!� �What, you spent all the money I gave you on dope already?� Then, my version of hell breaks loose in the backyard.

(As I write this Gabby is standing by my elbow asking me 2000 questions per minute and driving me fucking nuts and I�m trying so fucking hard not to kill her. Or at least swat her like an annoying moth.)

So my version of hell is my dogs fighting. And they are. Five of them are ganged up on the little Italian-looking one. You know - Ant�ny. I rushed out and started slinging dogs left and right, trying to get him out of the fray. It wasn�t working well. Someone finally bit me, and I yelled, �Ow!� That brought Flash out � can we say finally � and he yelled and walked toward them, and they scattered, leaving me lying atop Ant�ny in the freshly cut yard, covered in dog spit and grass clippings. I managed to pick him up and carry him in, and to Flash�s credit, he didn�t laugh until we got inside and I secured old aggravating Tony in the kitchen behind the baby gate. I checked him for wounds, but nothing that wasn�t superficial at worst. He was breathing ragged (he�s old) and was worn out, though. I wiped him down and cleaned myself off so I could resume eating steak. About that point, the phone rings. Queenie, who had finished eating already and was in her bedroom, and I answer simultaneously, but nobody else does. We do the whole �Hello? Hello?� routine, she at first not realizing it was me, and I thought about fucking with her, but I just said, �Hey, Queenie. It�s Shana.� Still nobody says anything but us, so we start talking. She asks who was there, and I told her Flash and Cletus, c�mon out, we�re partying. I asked her if her steak was good, told her mine was, but Cletus had ruined his by putting it back on the grill for way too long. We chatted for a few minutes. Flash asked who it was, and I said �Probably a bill collector,� b/c it said �out of area� like they do. He wondered who it was for, me or Queenie. I said probably both. He laughed and said, �And they hear you�re eating steak?!� They were still on the phone at this point. Finally, we just turned Gabby loose on the phone and let her talk her little heart out. Still don�t know to whom though.

Right after that, the basset hound hurked up the steak bone I�d given her earlier, totally grossing out Flash and Cletus. It�s next to impossible to gross out Flash, but when the bh went back and tried to eat it, I thought he was gonna start a chain reaction. I just sat and finished my steak. Y�all ever notice dog puke doesn�t stink? I shit you not. Smell it sometime. It doesn�t. Not that I want to start wearing it behind my ears or anything, but really, no odor.

So about the time I got the dustpan, the newspaper, and the paper towels for Phase I of the cleanup process, that was it for Flash and Cletus. They were outta there. Flash said, �See, that�s why I have a wife. Anything pukes at my house, I just turn to her and say, �Honey, they need you in the kitchen.�� What a prize, I tell ya.

Of course he does have his moments. Like tonight. He came by before the football game at the uni and did me well and truly. Celynne called and let it ring and ring just as we were finishing. I climbed off him and looked at the Caller ID, and he said, �If you answer that now, all breathless, they�re gonna know what you�re doing.� But I was just checking to see it wasn�t mi hija, out in the driveway or something.

I found out what the dog ruckus was about. Ah, yes. We have puppies. Six, to be exact. From a brother / sister, father / daughter union. Anyone what a slightly inbred Looziana yard dog? They come in two colors: black and white.

previous - next

still here - 2009-12-18
and so it goes - 2008-12-16
Watch out Benedict! - 2008-01-28
She got hit with the cancer stick - 2008-01-26
The Cure, Amy & Britney & Dogshit - 2008-01-05

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!