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Daydream
2005-02-18 - 10:21 a.m. All right, so it's Day 9 of not drinking for me. Flash brought me a sack of weed last night, as my marijuana consumption has increased exponentially with my non-drinking status. Hey, I never said I'd get sober, I said I'd quit drinking. There is a difference. I'm trying to find a home for the 5-month-old puppy Queenie was supposed to take with her and didn't. that would bring my dog population down to 9 dogs and 9 newborn puppies. The pup is cute; she has Doberman markings and coloration, although (as far as I know), no Dobe bloodlines. She has Catahoula and Blue Heeler that I'm aware of, and some hound of unknown origin. Her grandmother (my dog I call Le Pup in here) is a mystery. I picked her up as a stray on Dead Puppy Road when she was only about 3 weeks old, and she was already wild. I'm running an ad in the paper for 6 days, trying to find her a good home. I applied for a job at an agency this week here in Nutria, but I've heard nada so far, and they're still running the ad. I interview really well if I could just get to that phucking point in the hiring process. I've probably sent out 80 - 100 resumes since may, and not gotten a single interview. Grrrr. Still not gotten paid. Double grrrr. This is for jan. 16 - 31. This is what destroys my motivation re my present job. I can't get or stay psyched and motivated when I don't get a freaking paycheck on a regular basis. I slide toward resentful and half-assed ("What does it matter? It's not like I'm getting paid to do any work"). I'm supposed to have been working on a new brochure. I said "Fuck it." I'll work on it after I get my money for January. Why bust my ass when I'm not getting paid? I hate phucking with graphics! It's not my forte, and I'm not good at it. So for the shit amount of money I make, and the fact that my paycheck is 2.5 weeks late, I am severly under-motivated to do a task I can't stand doing under the best working conditions. I feel like telling her to take it to Kink0s and paying somebody to do it. I haven't written the Indian back yet. I guess that I will answer it, but I've just not been in the mood. It scares me to even contemplate getting close to him in any way. He's not good for me that way, I don't care if it is a learning experience. It's another gorgeous day in southeast Looziana - sparkling sun and puffy clouds and winds of almost-spring keeping a little chill in the air so it's not the least bit humid today, and that's a good thang. It's a perfect day for taking a notebook and a bottle of water and sitting down on the seawall by the lake and writing instead of being cooped up at this computer terminal staring out the window and wishing I was somewhere else, on a beach or a boat, with the scent of suntan oil surounding me and the sun warm on my back. �
still here - 2009-12-18
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