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Blues Wallow
2004-07-08 - 6:47 p.m. Today has been a long day. I woke up to the phone at 6:45 a.m. this a.m. It was my friend Gypsy in Texas (the one who has cancer and a terminal diagnosis). She called me crying, sobbing really. She was scared and lonely, nauseated from the chemo and totally bald. Her fiance had gone to work, and her daughter and her husband and grandkids were still sleeping. She just needed to talk to somebody. I mainly just listened. At some point I started crying too. There we both were, she in Texas, me in Louisiana, crying into our coffee, and it not even 7:00 a.m.! I told her we both needed to burn a joint; it would surely calm us down. I felt so bad for her. She has a really rocky relationship with her sister Queenie, who is also my friend, although I'm much closer to Gypsy and have more in common with her. They are both the sisters of my ex (the Indian). Queenie owes Gypsy $1200 for a van she bought from her but quit paying on. Having heard both sides of the story, I have to agree that Gypsy is in the right, but Queenie has absolutely no money at present and may even be homeless in the next few weeks. It's not like she can just pull $1200 out of her ass on command. Knowing that Gypsy just wanted to vent, I didn't add my two cents' worth. But this debt has come between the sisters at a time when there should be nothing between them. They weren't even talking at all at the time Gypsy went into the hospital and was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I had to call Queenie and beg her to go see her sister, that it wasn't a scam to get her sympathy, that her sister was really, really sick. I thought that they buried the hatchet, but apparently not. Gypsy even drove over from TX to see her, called her house and the stupid crackheaded loser who is her baby-daddy didn't even tell her Gypsy had called. His name is Chris and he is a huge fucking loser. When ppl meet him, they automatically assume that he is gay because he's a hairdresser and because he acts that way. I have plenty of gay friends and am completely comfortable around gay ppl. No prejudice there whatsoever. But I'm at a loss to understand why a heterosexual man adopts all the stereotypical mannerisms of a homosexual male. And he smokes the hell out of crack, writing bad checks on Queenie's account, even raiding the donation fund for Gypsy that was set up in the community of Alligator when she got diagnosed. His not telling Queenie that Gypsy called made her think her sister was avoiding her, and that wasn't the case at all. On other fronts, work is busy. One of our clients got into an argument with her family and had to move out of the mobile home in the middle of the night with her Rottweiller. Now, being homeless sucks, but being homeless with a 90 lb Rottweiller really sucks, because while an agency can get her a voucher for a hotel stay, no hotel will take a large, potentially vicious dog as a guest. So that's my quest: find a home for Brenda and King. And honey, it ain't been easy. My lover is at an out of state wedding, so I haven't had sex since Monday. It's Thursday. He won't be back until some time next week. Grrrr. I know to some of y'all, that's no big deal, but I'm used to it pretty regular and it's a helluva long time to me. I really do need to break in a spare for times like this. It's just a lot of work to go through, and most ment want a little bit more of me than I'm williing to give at present. That's why it works with Flash and me. He's content to just fuck me and leave. He knows that the most I might ever ask of him is to bail me out of jail or loan me a few dollars. I'm never going to want to have his baby or him to leave his wife. Whatever works, ya know? This summer has been (so far) rather a bummer. I read diaries of some of y'all, and get a vicarious thrill from y'all's adventures. At least somebody's having fun out there. Except for my friends Flash and Linsey, everyone I know is broke, sick, heartbroken or lonely. Or combinations of all of the above. Linsey's not happy either, but at least she has a bunch of money. I'm not totally unhappy. But I am broke, sick, and not so much heartbroken as heartfrozen. Where romantic love is concerned, I'm a cipher. I do not compute. I push ppl away. I don't think that I will ever share love with someone again. And that's very sad, because I miss aspects of it. The Indian is in jail again, having gotten extradited to LA from TX. I can't really believe they extradited a poor, broken down junkie, but maybe it'll keep him alive a little longer. I really did want to end this entry on a more positive note. You can't always get what you want . . . �
still here - 2009-12-18
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