Dysfunction and barra**cudas

2004-09-27 - 11:43 p.m.

Today gradually improved until just a little while ago when mi hija and her b/f came in arguing. I think they reached some form of agreement there at the end. She told me little bits and pieces while I helped her fix her bed, which had fallen off the frame and she wanted to set on the floor. The basset hound will love it � easy access.

I want to make her life so much easier. She was dealt a hard hand of cards: her dad being the ass he is and never doing a damn thing for her in her life, just being some albatross around her neck, and then me and my problems. No matter how well I hid (and I did) my substance abuse issues from her, she still has to deal with the end result of all my experimentation and dissolute life. Now my finances have her working her ass off to buy herself the things I wanted to provide her. It breaks my heart to see her do this. I am trying to change that day by day, but if I can�t land a decent job, wtf will I do? I�m really starting to freak out about all of this.

I still haven�t been paid. I tendered my verbal resignation Friday, my written one today. The time I tied up in that go-nowhere career I can now devote to my job search. And I will. Starting tomorrow. I�m going back to the career counseling center at the uni and approaching them again about their resources and my skills � got a match? And hit the temps � again. The first time I went, I was looking for writing jobs and human services. I�ll take anything now. No, really.

I was going to call my friend on the train today, but got busy and got sidetracked. It seems as if he�s dropped off the face of the earth, and that�s never good. Honey, everyone I know has a tale of woe. Celynne and her sister had to commit their mama yesterday. She�s schizo, off her meds and thought she had barra**cudas coming out of her body. She was tearing her skin to let �em out. That�s fucked up any way you slice it. I�m just unemployed, ya know? It still sucks, but beats the hell out of them barra**cudas.

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previous - next

still here - 2009-12-18
and so it goes - 2008-12-16
Watch out Benedict! - 2008-01-28
She got hit with the cancer stick - 2008-01-26
The Cure, Amy & Britney & Dogshit - 2008-01-05