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2004
2004-12-31 - 6:33 p.m. OK, I'll be honest. My year sucked donkey balls. There were two happy events, the trip to Italy and college graduation, but other than that, it's like I can cross this year off my life without remorse. But I'm smart enough to know that I can change 2005 for the better. I'm going to start with my employment situation, because it's easiest. I gotta quit smoking pot again. I can do it, but it's hard. I don't really smoke all that much anymore, due to the lack of $$$, but it just stays in your system for-fuckin-ever, hiding out in all those fat cells in my oversize ass, which brings me to my second resolution: Get back in shape, by whatever means necessary. I'm going to start by dieting and walking the basset on a daily basis. She's overweight, too. Neither one of us is healthy at our present weights. And if she gets slim and I still need to lose weight, I have eight other dogs that I can walk. I really am going to try to be nicer and kinder to myself. I'm not quitting partying though. I don't wanna. I'm a hedonist by nature, and that's just the way it is. But I'm going to try to do more for me and worry less about the other guy. I put myself on the back burner for others, and I'm tired of it. It causes resentment and bad feelings toward that person, and isn't healthy. I am going to try to become more spiritually centered. Not necessarily religious, although that certainly wouldn't hurt. But I want to become closer to God, to fully understand what it is that He wants me to achieve while I'm here on the physical plane. I don't think that I've lived up to the potential He saw in me. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, and I'm open for suggestions from anyone out there who may be able to guide me. I hope that in 2005 I can open myself up to people in a way that I haven't in years, maybe all of my life. That's the scariest resolution of all. I know that I probably won't achieve it, but it's the first time that I've ever even tried. That in itself is progress, of a sort. Thank y'all for being there in cyberspace, for reading my drivel, for sending warmth my way when the world was just too cold. Sometimes a note in my guestbook was the only high point of my day. In my own way, I love all of my buddies, though I've met none of them. My anonymous (I hope) readers mean much to me too. It's a validation of sorts for me, and also an inspiration. So to all of y'all out there reading this, happy new year, and here's to a grand and wonderful 2005. Let's do this thang! �
still here - 2009-12-18
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